I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
