In America we eat man semen.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
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