my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
