He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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