and you said cock pushups were impossible
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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