he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
