Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize