just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
