Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
