Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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