420 ftw
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
