i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
