God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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