i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
