worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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