the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Sorry my hands just texted you
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
