1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
