just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize