you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
