my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
