wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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