Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize