I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
