I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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