i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
