i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
