i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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