Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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