Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
