hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
it glows. i had to have it.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize