If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
