Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
