Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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