apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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