pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
