i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
