It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
