so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
