What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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