im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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