1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
