Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
In America we eat man semen.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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