I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
