Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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