I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
