is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
