If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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