By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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