the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
