Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
