Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
