Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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