glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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