I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
We're too hungover to prance.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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