no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
