I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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