i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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