U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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