I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
