my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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