woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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