Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
