cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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