I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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