Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
