So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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