You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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