You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
