Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize