He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
