Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
